It’s so weird how quickly things can turn around. I was having a great day with Steven watching football and packing up to move out of my apartment. My dad was running late, but got a spot on the street right out front so it was easier to load things into his van and trailer. He and Steven were taking out all the furniture while I packed up my clothes and dishes.
I went to clean up the bathroom while Steven and my dad were taking down a table. While I was in the bathroom I heard what sounded like an explosion and shattering glass. The intersection near my house is notorious for accidents because people drive too fast coming down the hill, especially on dark, rainy nights like this. I looked out the window and there was no accident at the stoplight, but traffic was slowing down close to my building. And then I remembered that my boyfriend and my dad were out there on the street loading cumbersome pieces of furniture into the trailer. All of a sudden I had horrible images in my head of something terrible happening to one or both of them. I literally have never been so scared in my life. I ran downstairs (along with a bunch of my neighbors) to see what happened. Directly in front of my building, a car was flipped onto its side with broken glass everywhere. It had hit the wheels of my dad’s trailer.
so i went to the dermatologist to see if i have skin cancer. the doctor was just like “oh, yeah your moles are fine but here’s a prescription for your acne.”
i was unaware that i have acne. so i was just like:
good god, i can’t believe i’m going to graduate in 10 weeks. i feel so unprepared and terrified to go into the real world. like, really? i’m supposed to fend for myself with these skills? i talked with my dad today and he said i can just live at home for a few years and save up money to get a house or whatever so that was a relief. of course that’s assuming that i find a job around here. and THAT’S assuming that i find a job at ALL. ughhh i don’t want to apply for grad school but i know i should so i requested a bunch of application information anyway. maybe the world will end in december after all. that would make these decisions a lot easier.
The most recent email from my cousin (9 days ago):
"Apparently, Prince Harry just arrived here, and is at the same base as me flying attack helicopters. I work with his squadron all the time, but I don’t remember there being a news story about ME coming to Afghanistan, haha!"
My aunt and uncle still haven’t heard anything. He’s probably okay and I’m trying not too think about it but it’s stressing me out. I can’t stop checking news stories for updates with names of the fallen/injured marines but none so far. :\
EDIT: Just saw that I got a “happy birthday” facebook message from him on Friday. I don’t know if it was from before or after the attack. I don’t know why I didn’t see the notification for it earlier. I wish I had seen it when he sent it.
and just like that, gonzo was over. 5 years in that band. the last show was actually really good. we played with really cool people. one guy was on a 55-day tour from canada. the venue was nice. the stage was big enough for all of us and they actually had enough microphones. we played on time. not too many people, not too few. they were the right amount of drunk. haha. i missed alison and kati. if every show had been like that then it might have been different. but probably not.
on sunday i woke up and thought “is there practice today?” out of habit. “oh.. right..” i still have to get used to it. i’ll miss it but that’s life. i was lucky to be able to have so much fun with those guys. not everyone has that. i hope i can still make music with some of them. or at least just hang out with them once in a while. but we’ll see.
RIP gonzo. you were good to me. <3
I went down to Oceanside for a family picnic at the beach. It was to see off my cousin, Jack, who’s getting deployed to Afghanistan tomorrow for eight months. My family is fucking ridiculous and someone brought a whole roasted pig. To the beach. There was a Hindu family at the next table staring at us, horrified. I don’t blame em. Who brings a whole pig to the fucking beach? (That shit tasted bomb though.) Anyway, we were having a good time helping my nephew build a robot out of sand when one of my stupid aunts loudly asked Jack what his dog tags were for and why they had all his information on them. Isn’t that common knowledge? My cousin tried to ignore the question because come ON. My stupid aunt wouldn’t let it go and he finally blurted out “it’s in case they find my body somewhere…” and then we all remembered why we were there and it was awful. I know he’ll most likely be fine, but you never know. I mean pilots crash even when they’re just training here. But hey, flying is his job.
The weather got shitty and we decided to leave early. I gave him a hug and tried not to think about the fact that I won’t see him for at least eight months. I was gonna miss the Gonzo show tonight but since I got home early I was like “fuck it” and just went. I wanted to get my mind off of my cousin and do something fun. But on the way there Hector and I were talking about how it’s not fun being in the band anymore and how everyone says they want to quit. I kept thinking “Nah, we just havent done a show in a while. Tonight will be fun and everyone will change their minds and it’ll be fine.” But it wasn’t. The show fucking sucked. None of us wanted to be there and it was obvious. We all used to get so stoked about every show and now it’s a chore. I don’t know what happened but it makes me really fucking sad. And I know it can’t be fixed. Everyone has different priorities and conflicting ideas. I feel like I’m breaking up with someone or something. But whatever, we had a good run. Five years. Alex is gonna quit and that’ll be the end of it. It’s time. Damn, I’ll really fucking miss it though.
I was feeling absolutely awful so I went and hung out with Steven for a bit before I came home. At least when everything else is shit, I know I have that kid. He keeps me sane. But he had to finish a project so I was only there for a little while.
I forgot that I had coffee at the beach and now it’s 3am and I can’t sleep and I’m stressed out about the 10 page paper I should have started but didnt. Life is a bummer sometimes, you guys.
Game 1: I beat him by ONE point.
He wanted to go home but I insisted on another game to rub it in his face.
Game 2: He beat me by exactly one HUNDRED points.
but none of that tops what he did first: go in for a kiss on the mouth. hahahhahaha so great.